Archive for ‘Life’

September 3, 2017

The dental hygienist asked me if I flossed

The dental hygienist asked me if I flossed. I decided I would tell the truth. It was time. Deception is not a good thing. I told her I flossed every day – which is to say – every day that I visited the dentist. I will not argue against the merit of flossing. But I don’t do it that often. And I wonder who does. Who regularly flosses every single day? Apart from dental hygienists and others whose profession is the tooth…

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August 27, 2017

I am inspired to become a film soundtrack composer

I have just heard some of the soundtrack to Christopher Nolan’s latest film, Dunkirk. I have been a fan of Mr Nolan ever since that excellent film Memento. In fact, I watched Memento the other night in the right order… most of the scenes in the original are in reverse order so you start with the ending and go backwards to find out how the end came to be. But on the DVD, there’s a version in chronological order for the not-so-Spock.

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August 20, 2017

Tomorrow is optional

I’m told the world is going to end in September. Which is a pity as we’ve just finished decorating the bathroom. We’ve lived with that dreadful green coloured bath for ten years, finally got rid of it and then the world ends. Typical.

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August 6, 2017

Deboxification video: Not going to happen

My new baseball cap has arrived. Perhaps I should have put an “unboxing” video on YouTube. I have seen there are all sorts of unboxing videos. I don’t know why. I can understand reviewing something, that makes sense: “Look, here’s this thing I bought, this is how it works”. Fine. Or: “Look, here’s this thing I bought. As soon as I turn it on, the flange capacitor overheats.” Informative. But I don’t want to see you taking something out of its packaging. I am a high powered, go-getter, I haven’t got the time or inclination to watch people taking things out of boxes. Come on. Surely the pleasure is for the unboxer themselves. I get no vicarious thrill watching someone else deboxifying.

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July 23, 2017

I attempt to be interesting

The guy who gives me my coffee likes to chat. He asks me what I’m doing today. Because I am usually going to Tesco, I tell him that. I can’t help thinking that this is not the most exciting of replies. I am considering inventing scenarios to make my day sound a little more interesting.

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July 8, 2017

The sum total of my knowledge: 12 things that I know

On that momentous day, March 10, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell stood nervously but excited, staring at his invention. Did he know what wonders his telephone would bring to the world? Did he foresee the advances that would appear in the years to come? What thoughts and dreams rushed through his mind at that moment? What hopes did he have for the new era of communication that was to be heralded by this momentous occasion? And then – the telephone rang. Nervously, he reached and picked up the receiver. And he heard those famous words: “Our records indicate that you were involved in a non-blame accident. Our team of experts are available to help you make a claim on a ‘no win, no fee’ basis”.

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July 2, 2017

A predictable poem

My predictive text is a bit clever. Maybe a bit too clever. It’s no longer happy with guessing the word I’m typing. It now wants to guess the next word that I will type, before I’ve started to type it. If I type “choc”, it guesses I want to type “chocolate”. ¬†Fair enough. But once it has typed in “chocolate” for me, it’s already suggesting that “chip” is the next word. And once I accept that, it suggests that the next word is “cookie”. Maybe it’s been secretly monitoring my food intake and knows how much I like chocolate chip cookies.

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May 27, 2017

Seagull and the leaf

This is how I came to know that God is real.

I was not feeling good. Work was not great. Home life was not great. I was not great. I walked to work each day, it only took about ten minutes but that ten minutes seemed like the only slightly peaceful time. There wasn’t anything bad going on exactly. Work wasn’t a hassle, it was just boring, it was bland. Most things were bland and grey.

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June 29, 2016

The art and science of Rose Counting

Everything reminds me of Rose. There’s the usual things, the things you would expect to be reminders – her art, her makeup, her toothbrush. But there are so many other things that bring a memory of her to mind… I drive to work and at the tricky junction where a fast stream of traffic joins, I remember how I would worry about her coping with that junction when she came in the car to pick me up from work.

And then there’s rain. Rose loved to listen to the rain on the glass roof. As a Brit, I find that rain is something to be tolerated and a useful topic of discussion in awkward moments with strangers. For Rose, it was a reminder of the sound of the rain on the roof in her childhood home.

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May 24, 2015

Busy doing nothing: The Revenge Of The To Do List

I still have my To Do list. Just in case you were thinking “Look how the year is moving on! Mr Allen will no doubt have removed all of the items from his To Do list by now. What an inspiration that chap is! And so good-looking too!” Alas, my To Do list is still with me. But, on the positive side, my rugged good looks do seem to improve with each passing day.

I’d now like you to all get in groups of three and discuss how I can be motivated to do all the things I don’t want to do. And also, how I can be motivated to do all the things I do want to do. What’s that? You can’t be bothered. Okay, let’s have a chocolate chip cookie and a drink instead.

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