Irritations, joys and people who dont use apostrophe’s correctly

There’s an advert on the telly. They are selling an absolutely ginormous widescreen TV. And the voice-over says: “It’s what Christmas is all about”. I don’t think it was said ironically. I think they meant it. I am worried. And irritated. Yes, today I am Mr GrumpyPants.

I am dialling down the noise of Christmas, the busyness, all of that. This is easier to do when your kids are grown.

But in a true GrumpyPants moment, I compiled a list of things that irritate me – apart from the misuse of Christmas. I excluded the serious things like bullies and bombs. It went like this…

  • People who dont use apostrophe’s correctly
  • Debating programmes
  • Award ceremonies
  • Chris Evans (the irritating one, not the guy who plays Captain America)
  • Cyclists who don’t stop for red traffic lights
  • People who whinge on about people who don’t use apostrophes correctly

And finally: The half-hearted attempt the UK made to go metric. My car tells me my fuel consumption in miles per gallon and the UK hasn’t sold petrol by the gallon for years. (Britain will never change from miles to kilometers. It just can’t happen. You know that thing in your dashboard that tells you how many miles you’ve done? That’s called a mileometer. If we were to change to kilometers, that would become a kilometerometer. See? People just won’t accept that excess of syllables on a dashboard.)

And finally: People who say “Finally” but haven’t really finished.

And lastly: People who use conjunctive adverbs on their own in a sentence.

However. I will not be adding to my list of irritations. I am going to compile a list of things that I like. As a sort of companion to my list of Music To Make You Happy. (It’s a list of things, not people – I wouldn’t want Sandra Bullock getting jealous because she was left out.) Here it is:

  • Chocolate
  • Marvel films
  • Border collies
  • Holidays
  • Bread and butter pudding
  • Pocket watches
  • Buster Keaton films
  • The beach
  • The colours blue and red
  • Remote control helicopters
  • Trees
  • Warm socks
  • Fountain pens
  • Robot floor cleaners
  • More chocolate

Now when I am irritated by things, I will remember my List Of Nice Things. Wait. There could be a song here, Something to do with raindrops on roses. And whiskers on kittens.

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